Why Won't Our Kids Listen To Us
I still vividly remember a time when I felt utterly frustrated, wondering why my son wouldn’t listen to me. Why did I have to repeat myself countless times, whether it was for brushing his teeth, taking a shower, or going to bed, no matter what? One day, while I was cooking in the kitchen, my husband started yelling from the other room, asking me to do some work. At that moment, I felt so irritated. How could he scream from the other room without even checking what I was doing? I simply ignored him. He repeated himself 2-3 times, but every time I ignored him. Eventually, he came into the kitchen and asked, 'Can't you hear what I'm saying?' I responded, 'No, I can't. I'm busy cooking.
As a parenting coach, I've listened to countless parents express frustration over their children not listening. Reflecting on my own experiences, I too found myself saying, 'My child doesn't listen to me.' However, delving deeper into gentle parenting, I realized that the primary reason for this disconnect often boils down to one crucial factor: CONNECTION.
Did you notice anything here? Take a moment to imagine the scenario: I'm in my son's shoes, and he's in mine. Instead of my husband yelling orders from afar, it's me doing the shouting. 'Time to take a shower!' 'Brush your teeth!' Without bothering to see what my son is up to or considering his energy level. That day, it hit me—I needed to change. I made a promise to myself: no more shouting from across the room. I'd go to him, check what he's doing, and wait for eye contact before speaking. Trust me, this small shift in my approach made a world of difference.
I realized that when our connection with our children is weak, it's no wonder they don't listen. Instead of trying to fix them, we need to focus on ourselves. Are we fully present in the moment? What internal needs or desires are we projecting onto our children? It's time to take a step back and regain control within ourselves.
Today, I'm excited to share some of the simple yet powerful habits that have truly strengthened the bond between my child and me. But before we dive in, let's acknowledge something beautiful: connection is the secret ingredient that inspires our children to willingly cooperate. When they feel deeply connected to us, they're more likely to follow our lead, even in the most challenging moments.
Let's start with the magic of hugs. Personally, I can't get enough of those bear hugs - they have a way of turning any frown upside down! Did you know that studies suggest that we need about 12 hugs a day to grow? It sounds crazy, but it's true! That's why I make sure I cuddle my little one first thing in the morning and before bedtime. Trust me, it's worth a try!
I prefer 30 minutes a day of quality play time (not too little, not too much). It works wonders for our relationship when I ask him what he would like to play rather than suggesting it. Sometimes I wonder why he has so many ideas for games. He gets so many ideas from a quick game of UNO, a silly game of musical chairs, or even pretending to go up in a hot air balloon, it helps him to solve problems, choose games for us independently, and allow us to go with the flow. And here's a little tip: keeping my phone away during our quality time has made all the difference. Whether we're chatting on the way home from school or just taking in the view on the train, being fully present at the moment helps us connect on a whole new level.
Now here's a phrase I always keep in mind: "Connect before correct". When my child is struggling with transitions or big emotions, I make it a point to connect with him first. Whether it's making eye contact, using his name, or just making fun of him, these small gestures show him that I'm there for him no matter what. This is my safe and patient practice of accepting my child's feelings to strengthen our connection. When he's upset or angry, I make it my mission to listen, validate, and support him. By creating a safe space for him to express himself, I show him that I'm there for him no matter what. And listening with empathy and curiosity? That's a game-changer. Instead of jumping in with solutions, I hold back and really listen to what he has to say. Believe me, it can make all the difference!
Finally, Instead of rushing through our days, I take a moment to savor every precious moment with him. Whether it's cuddling at bedtime or enjoying a quiet moment together in the morning, these little moments of connection are what makes parenting so special. So there you have it - simple habits to strengthen your parent-child relationship and bring a little extra sunshine into your days. Trust me, it's worth every moment!
