Are Parents That Yell Bad??
It was an ordinary afternoon, and I was cooking lunch, making Adhrit's favorite meal. He was very excited—he was 4 at the time—and eager to eat. His eyes lit up with excitement upon spotting a sweet yogurt on the counter. His tiny hands trembled with impatience, longing for that delicious treat.
I told him, 'You need to eat your meal first, and then you can have the yogurt.' He insisted, 'No, I want to eat it now.' Despite my repeated reminders, he refused to listen. In his determination, he attempted to open it, but it slipped from his grasp and fell to the ground. In that moment, the atmosphere shifted. I found myself assuming the role of the stern, intimidating mother, yelling, 'Look what you've done! I told you not to open it, and now I have to clean up this mess. Leave and let me take care of it.’
Everything I had taught and practiced about maintaining a calm demeanor was shattered, like a delicately crafted sandcastle washed away by the tide. There was a brief silence, followed by tears streaming down his cheeks. He murmured, 'My yogurt, Mum,' as it was the last one we had at home.
I'm sure many of you can relate to this scenario. Have you ever been in a situation where you were calm one moment and then suddenly turned into a "scary" mum or dad? It's those moments when our emotions get the best of us and we react in a way we never intended.
For me, the floodgates of shame opened and engulfed me in humiliation as memories of past screams and desires to hide flooded my mind. However, I refused to brush this incident aside as if it had never happened. I vowed not to let my emotional outbursts dictate my child's sense of self-worth. Instead, I committed to owning my mistakes, to embracing humility in every action, and to allowing the transformative power of conscious parenting to shape me from within.
Immediately, I extended a heartfelt apology to my child. Together, we regulated our emotions, discussed boundaries, and resumed our activities with newfound self-awareness and gentleness. Always remember, mothers are human too. We experience both highs and lows, moments of strength and moments of weakness. Imperfection does not equate to failure. The true goal is not perfection, but rather fostering curiosity and reflection.
Ever wondered what's really behind those moments of frustration? Is it the feeling that your child just isn't hearing you? Or maybe it's bringing up memories from your own childhood when you felt ignored. It's time to take a step back and ask ourselves: What's really going on here? By making these conscious choices, we're taking control of the situation and paving the way for a better, more connected path forward.
There's always a better way...a gentle way
AWARENESS: Recognize that the 'Scary Mumma' episode can happen, and it's normal too. Apologize for any fear caused by shouting: 'I'm sorry I scared you!' So, here's the deal: this step is all about tuning in to those familiar behaviors, thoughts, or situations that keep popping up in your life.
ACCEPTANCE: Acknowledge your triggers for the 'Scary Mumma' moments. Reflect on your own feelings mirrored by the child without blaming and with more accountability. So, let's own up to the fact that this pattern is shaping our lives and embrace it as just another aspect of our reality.
ACHING: Feel the urge to heal emotional wounds to be fully present and whole for our children. When you ache for change, it's a deep longing inside you, urging you to break free from those familiar patterns.
ASK FOR HELP: Seeking support when navigating this journey alone is a courageous act, not a sign of weakness. Don't hesitate to reach out and talk to someone about it. Seeking support is like tapping into a superpower—it empowers you and makes you stronger.
Remember, moments of shouting don't define you. What matters most is your response—choosing compassion, courage, and a steadfast commitment to conscious, gentle connection. If you're ready to lead by example and cultivate self-regulation, it's time to take action.
No more excuses like ‘I don't have time’ or ‘I'll try later.’
