"Do Your Kids Avoid Homework? Try This!"
How to Avoid Power Struggles with Your Strong-Willed Child: 5 Scripts That Work
It's a typical Tuesday evening in my household, and there I am, locked in a power struggle with my son over math homework. The TV is blaring, fractions are ignored, and I’m desperately trying to convince him to turn off his favorite show and focus. I know better than to engage in a battle of wills, but here we are, and my pleas fall on deaf ears. Frustration rises, and I’m wondering how I got into this mess—again.
Sound familiar? Parenting can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, you find yourself back at square one. But here’s the thing: there’s a way to remove that blindfold and navigate the maze with clarity, even when you’re facing those dreaded power struggles.
Just as I was about to give up and say, “Fine, you win,” I had a lightbulb moment. I suddenly remembered that I’m a parenting coach who helps other parents handle these exact situations. I’ve literally written scripts for moments like these!
In the spirit of saving your next evening from becoming a battle of wills, here are five tried-and-true scripts that work wonders in breaking the cycle of power struggles, especially with strong-willed kids.
1. The "Yes Exactly" Script
This is your olive branch. When your child is resisting, simply acknowledge their feelings without judgment. Say, “You want to keep watching TV, and you don’t want to do your math homework.” It’s a simple, non-confrontational statement that lets them know you hear them. No one likes to feel ignored or dismissed, and this script diffuses tension by showing your child that you’re on their side, not their opponent.
2. The "Legitimizing" Script
Validation is powerful. Use this script to let your child know that their feelings are valid. “It makes sense that you’d rather watch TV—this show is really exciting, and you want to see what happens next.” By recognizing their point of view, you communicate that their feelings are legitimate, which builds trust and opens the door for cooperation. It’s not about agreeing with them, but about showing them that you understand.
3. The "Tell Me More" Script
Here’s where you dig deeper. Instead of just focusing on the behavior, ask, “Tell me more. What do you hate about math? Help me understand.” This shifts the conversation from a standoff to a space of curiosity. Your child might surprise you with what they’re actually feeling. Maybe it’s not just about TV—maybe it’s frustration with the homework, a lack of confidence, or feeling overwhelmed. This script invites them to express what’s really going on, which often softens their resistance.
4. The "Problem Solving" Script
Now that you’ve connected emotionally, it’s time to team up. Say, “Let’s figure out a solution we both like.” This communicates that you’re not there to control them but to collaborate. It shifts the focus from conflict to cooperation, turning your child into a problem-solving partner instead of an adversary. It shows that you value their input, and together, you can come up with a plan that works for both of you.
5. The "Shared Hobby" Script
If all else fails and tensions remain high, hit the reset button. Try saying, “You know what? Let’s work on a Rubik’s cube or play with Pokémon cards and come back to this later.” This is a powerful reminder that your relationship with your child is more important than any disagreement. When you take a step back and reconnect through a shared hobby, you strengthen your bond, making it easier to revisit the issue with a calm, cooperative mindset. Bonus: this works on spouses too!
Why These Scripts Work
Parenting is tough, and when we’re in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to fall into familiar traps—yelling, nagging, or engaging in battles we’d rather avoid. But these scripts help you break the cycle by focusing on connection, validation, and problem-solving. They remind your child that you’re on the same team and that their feelings matter.
These tools take practice, and let’s be real: they can be hard to remember when emotions are running high. But with time and consistency, they’ll become second nature, and power struggles will become less frequent and intense.
Remember, every child is unique. What works for one might not work for another, and that’s okay. The goal is to stay open, flexible, and willing to try different approaches. Parenting is a journey, not a destination, and these scripts are tools to help you along the way.
So the next time you find yourself locked in a battle of wills, take a deep breath, pull out one of these scripts, and watch as the power struggle begins to dissolve. Your child will feel seen and heard, and you’ll feel more in control—without needing to control the situation.
Parenting isn’t about winning or losing; it’s about building strong, connected relationships. And these scripts are your guide to doing just that.
