How to Teach Your Toddler to Share?

“I want that toy! I was playing with it FIRST!”

The moment my 4-year-old yelled those words, I could feel my heart rate spike. I knew what was coming—more shouting, fighting, and maybe even tears as her 3-year-old brother tried to claim the same toy. If you’re a parent of young children, you probably know this scene all too well: arguments over toys, crying, and the endless battle of “who had it first.”

It rarely ends well, right? Sometimes, one sibling hurts the other before you can intervene. Other times, no one gets the toy, and on some occasions, it even spirals into a heated argument between you and your child. You might even catch yourself questioning your parenting (or debating) skills. However it ends, we all know how we wish it would end: with our children happily sharing, filled with kindness and cooperation.

As parents, we often feel that moments like these reflect our parenting and the values we’re trying to instill. We want our kids to be kind, thoughtful, and generous—so sharing is a big part of that. But here’s the reality: you can’t force values like sharing by making your child do it. Think about it for a second. If you were at work eating your lunch and a colleague said, “That looks delicious! I want it,” you’d probably give them a firm “No” and think they were out of line.

Now, imagine your boss came over and said, “In this office, we share,” and made you hand over your lunch. You’d be furious! You weren’t finished, and they didn’t even ask politely. But, in a different situation, would you share with that coworker? Probably! If they asked kindly, if you were done, or if you had some extra, you’d be much more likely to share.

So, I realized: it’s not that my kids weren’t responsive or kind; it’s that I wasn’t actually teaching them how to share. I was just telling them they had to do it. Once I understood this, I knew I needed to change how I approached sharing and actually teach my children the how.

Teaching Kids How to Share: Simple Steps for Parents

Here’s what I learned: teaching kids to share doesn’t need to be complicated. It just takes some practice and patience. Here’s what worked in my home:

1. Teach in Moments of Calm and Play
   It’s much easier to teach new skills when everyone’s calm. So, don’t wait until a fight breaks out—use moments of peace to model and practice sharing. Playtime is a great opportunity to introduce the idea of taking turns and asking for toys politely. When kids learn in a relaxed setting, they’re more likely to retain the lesson.

2. Model the Right Way to Ask and Respond
   In our house, we practice asking, “Can I play with that?” About half the time, the answer is an automatic “Yes,” and the other half, it’s a “No.” If the response is “No,” we practice saying, “Can I play with it when you’re done?” This simple follow-up almost always leads to a “Yes,” reducing the urge to grab or claim ownership over toys. Think about how this conversation could look in your home—how can your child respond when they hear “No” from a sibling or friend?

3. Facilitate the Conversation
   It’s essential to help guide this conversation regularly. When we consistently practice these sharing conversations, it becomes a routine. The key here is adult involvement—prompting, encouraging, and being there to help if big feelings come up. Consistency helps kids internalize the lesson, making sharing feel more natural over time.

Why Forcing Kids to Share Doesn’t Work

Forcing children to share in the moment often leads to more frustration and resentment. By teaching them how to share through calm, structured conversations, we help them develop genuine empathy and kindness. Sharing becomes an act of choice, not obligation, which is far more meaningful.

Remember, every child is different. What works for one might not work for another, but with time and practice, these tools can make a big difference in your home. Whether it’s deep breathing to stay calm, offering alternatives, or modeling kindness, small steps add up to big changes in how kids understand and practice sharing.

At the end of the day, teaching your child how to share isn’t just about avoiding fights over toys. It’s about helping them build life skills—compassion, patience, and communication—that will serve them well beyond the playground.