"Dealing With Your Childs Explosive Tantrums"
The other day, I headed to the store, excited to use a bookshop gift card I’d received for Christmas. While browsing, I found myself deep in thought, debating whether to buy my son a German storybook or an English one. But just as I was making this very important decision, a high-pitched cry cut through my focus.
I looked around and saw a child in full meltdown mode, screaming over a toy they couldn’t get. The parent, clearly exhausted, first asked the child to stop, then pleaded, and finally, as more eyes turned to them, resorted to threats. “I’m going to spank you when we get home,” the parent said, and the tantrum started to subside.
We've all been there—stuck in public with a child throwing a tantrum 😅. But here’s the real question: have you ever tried setting a boundary, only to have it completely backfire? Or made a request, and it took a full-blown fit before your child even considered doing what you asked?
Some might agree with the parent's approach, while others won’t. But instead of picking sides, let’s focus on what you can do next time you're in that situation.
Preventing Tantrums with Preparation
Tantrums often seem to come out of nowhere, but they don’t have to. One of the best ways to avoid them is with a bit of preventative care. Before entering the store, try a quick 2-minute conversation with your child: explain the goal of the trip, give them a little task like holding the list, and make it clear what’s on the shopping list and what isn’t. This way, they feel involved and know what to expect.
But life happens. Maybe you’re in a rush, or you simply forget to have that conversation before heading in. So, you’re shopping, and your child spots something they have to have. You say no, and suddenly, you’re knee-deep in a tantrum. You try reasoning, showing empathy, even pulling out the tips you’ve learned from Gentle Parenting—but the meltdown continues.
What Should You Do?
Here’s the answer: nothing. Let the tantrum run its course. Even if it lasts 10 minutes, let it happen. You’ve already set a boundary by saying no. Stick to it. It’s perfectly okay if your child doesn’t like your decision.
If the public setting makes you uncomfortable, calmly pick your child up, head to the car, and wait it out there. Once your child calms down, you can have that quick 2-minute conversation again about your goals and why certain items aren’t on the list. Then, head back into the store and continue with your plan.
The goal here isn’t to stop the tantrum; it’s to hold your boundaries. When you say no, mean it. If you’re not willing to follow through, don’t say it. You can't control your child’s actions, but you can control yours.
Why Consistency Matters
Starting this transition to focus on your own actions will take time and practice. Don’t stress if your child continues to test the limits—it’s natural. But once they realize that crying and tantrums won’t change your decision, they’ll begin to move on.
Remember when you were a kid and threw tantrums? Can you recall a single specific instance? Probably not. We all threw fits, and we all moved on. The same will happen with your child. With consistency, they’ll learn that boundaries are firm, tantrums won’t change your mind, and life will move forward.
Final Thoughts
Handling tantrums is not about controlling your child; it’s about sticking to your boundaries. Tantrums are temporary, but the lessons your child learns from your consistency are lasting. Over time, both you and your child will develop a more peaceful and respectful dynamic, and those dreaded public meltdowns will become less frequent.
So next time, whether it’s at the grocery store, toy aisle, or the park, remember: it’s not about stopping the tantrum. It’s about holding firm, staying calm, and allowing your child to express their emotions, while you stay grounded in your boundaries.
