How To Manage Tantrums In Public
“He kicked me, and I thought I was going to lose it.” Hearing this from a mom, I was instantly reminded of my own park meltdown moments with toddlers who weren’t ready to leave. The challenge is real.
This mom described the feeling of being at her limit: the heat, skipped lunch, and the overstimulation of a busy park. But what she shared next floored me: “I no longer felt the need to control the situation or his feelings. I was able to just be with him.” She had unlocked a new level of peace—a parenting win that filled me with pride and purpose.
This is why I do this work: because every family deserves to thrive. And that skill she discovered? It’s called co-regulation—the ability to find your own inner calm and, from that space, help your child navigate their big emotions. It’s not about stopping their feelings but creating a safe space where they can express them fully.
You might be thinking, How do you even do that? Before you can help your child, you need to take care of yourself first. If your emotional cup is full, there’s no room for theirs. That’s where tools like mindful breathing and checking in with yourself throughout the day come into play.
This mom and I had been working on ways to manage her own stress when her child’s tantrums hit. She practiced techniques like box breathing and became more aware of her emotional capacity, which allowed her to stay grounded and support her child through meltdowns.
When you find your inner calm, you can help your child find theirs. Most parents, myself included, want to talk through the tantrums—rationalizing, explaining, telling them to breathe—but before they can hear you, they need to be out of their fight-or-flight state. Using sensory calming tools—like deep breathing, soft movements, or even stomping your feet together—can help.
Once your child is calm enough to listen, speak slowly and gently. Validate their emotions with phrases like, “That must have been really hard for you” or “I know you really wanted ___.” It’s not about teaching in the moment, but about connecting and letting them feel understood.
Fear often creeps in during these moments. You might worry that your child’s aggression will never end, or that you’re failing. But remember, you’re capable of supporting them through this. With practice, you’ll notice these moments pass more quickly, and what feels like aggression will transform into healthier ways of handling emotions.
Every child is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. What works for one might not work for another. But with practice, these tools can help you find what works best for your family—whether that’s breathing together, holding them and swaying, or throwing soft balls at the wall. You and your child can experiment and grow together.
