"𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗜’𝗺 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗲."

Let me share a perspective that might change how you think about this.
Let’s say a child is spanked a few times—nothing ongoing, just moments of frustration. Now, ask that child: "𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹?" It probably hurt, right? 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘀: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲?

𝗙𝗲𝗮𝗿? 𝗦𝗵𝗮𝗺𝗲?

And who did they 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀? 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗮𝗯𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗼 𝗼𝗻𝗲.

Now, imagine you have a six-year-old. Would you hit them? Most would say, No way. But why not? What’s really wrong with it?

Many would agree it’s because children can’t defend themselves. It’s not effective; 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗳𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. But what’s the 𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱? Fear, shame, confusion. It teaches them that 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲.

Here’s the thing: We often grow up thinking we’re "fine," even if we’ve experienced moments of emotional pain or isolation as children. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗹𝘆 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗱𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘀. If you were afraid or ashamed as a child, that emotional isolation can show up in your adult relationships.

You might struggle with expressing vulnerability or feel uncomfortable with intimacy, even in your closest relationships. You might avoid conflict, suppress emotions, or feel overly responsible for others' feelings. 𝗪𝗵𝘆? Because, as children, we learn to survive by shutting down emotions that feel unsafe or unwelcome.

I’ve had clients tell me, “𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗸𝗶𝗱. My parents were good people.” And they likely were, no question. But as we dig deeper, we often uncover that 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗲𝘅𝗶𝘀𝘁. You can have happy moments while still carrying the weight of unspoken pain—pain that lingers into adulthood because you didn’t feel safe enough to share it.

So, 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘂𝗽 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁? If you didn’t feel safe expressing your emotions as a child, you might find it hard to fully connect with your partner, your kids, or even yourself today. You might say, “𝗜’𝗺 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗲,” while deep down, unresolved pain remains.

It’s time we start asking different questions. Not just, “𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗼𝗸𝗮𝘆?” but “𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵?”

So, let me ask you: 𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗰𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀, 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲? 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁, 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗱?

#ConsciousParenting #BreakingGenerationalCycles